I have a relative-lady whom her older sister refers to as a black sheep of her family because she is the only one who drinks and parties for life. The other day I visited my relative-lady and found her with her new man who was very gentle and soft spoken, just her usual type. This man was very friendly to me and my girlfriend; he treated my relative-lady like a queen, in fact all of her previous men did. Like the previous men, the very same man she was with was trying to marry her and asking to send his uncles for dowry/lobola negotiations but she declined . This man had bought her an apartment in a high lifestyle area; he owned his own business and he brought all the money that he made to her. Her older sister, a good woman, keeps getting shocked at her reaction and she remarks, “Mafhuri a wela vha sina Khali” or “Fruits fall into the yard of those without baskets (to pick them)”
So, why do these “least deserving” women seem to find the “good” men which “good women” don’t ?
So, why do these “least deserving” women seem to find the “good” men which “good women” don’t ?
Similarly to the “good girl”-“Badboy” phenomenon that we discussed previously, is the good boy – “trashy” girl phenomenon: good boys love “trashy” girls who possess the same dark traits as bad boys. “trashy” girls are beautiful, popular, extrovert, not-needy even though mean, narcissists and very immoral. I know everyone likes criticizing bad girls but some of them come pretty much handy because they can fight. And for a good boy like me who doesn't like to fight because the Bible says so, a bad girl is a blessing in disguise. During a fight, I stand on the side and shout, “hit him on the head with a heel baby, hard!... ok get up and try an uppercut!” I'm just joking,I wouldn't let a woman fight a man on her own for me; I call the police when they start fighting.
But is it worth it to have a trophy-wife if she mess you up socially, emotionally, financially, spiritually, and even physically?
Proverbs 21:9 AMP It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop [on the flat oriental roof, exposed to all kinds of weather] than in a house shared with a nagging, quarrelsome, and faultfinding woman.
Proverbs 6:24-25 AMP To keep you from the evil woman, from the flattery of the tongue of a loose woman. 25 Lust not after her beauty in your heart, neither let her capture you with her eyelids.
The same self-volunteered abuse that "good women" receive from their "bad boy" partners discussed previously, applies with "good men" who choose "bad women". I placed the above terms in inverted commas because those are secular terms to describe moral and immoral people according to world standards but Biblically, no one is good.
Mark 10:18 NLT "Why do you call Me good?" Jesus asked. "Only God is truly good.
Good guys or Wimps ?
My relative-lady would surely kick a man to kingdom come, I mean: she slapped the man mentioned above before his uncle; her mother once found her chocking her baby’s daddy behind the house and after she released him, he turned to the old lady and said softly, “leave her, she is crazy. She always do this to me. It's ok” What????
I do not believe that a man should fight a woman or anybody for that matter but I don't think that it is being good or holy to allow anybody to abuse you when you can do something to stop or prevent it. I also do not believe that one is being a good man before God if they allow their woman to direct the relationship or worse, control everything.
I do not believe that a man should fight a woman or anybody for that matter but I don't think that it is being good or holy to allow anybody to abuse you when you can do something to stop or prevent it. I also do not believe that one is being a good man before God if they allow their woman to direct the relationship or worse, control everything.
Well, friends, I am not trying to expose other's evil or criticise other’s weaknesses; I have been getting delivered from the same weakness as a “good boy” and a "bad boy" myself. You must always bear in mind that the offerings are not posts that I read the Bible and try to teach you something; the offerings are those issues that I choose to share with you as the Lord is dealing with me believing that they would be of value to you too. I am also a control freak that I will discuss later on. So never think I am tough and I am writing down on weaker people.
Now that I said that…the guys that my relative-lady dated are wimps as she tells them publicly on their faces during her quarrelling. I deal with this wimpish permissible behaviour in my upcoming book, The Truth for my men and my dogs, that Godly men need to take authority and responsibility over their women and family because God will question them about it.
It's not about men being a wimp and a woman being a control freak but even visa versa. If you watch in society, you will realize that many relationships are between a wimp and a control freak, and we call this “opposites attract”. I call this stupid beause one have power but doesnt protect himself/herself and the other one doesnt even know they are doing something wrong when abusing others! I have taken few classes at Rhema Training centre on the course, “Boundaries” and also read a book titled “boundries” by psychologists, Dr Henry Cloud & amp; Dr. John Townsend, who teach that we have a God-given responsibilities to set limits and boundaries to protect ourselves from other’s exploitations. Some of the things that I will share may sound like it’s not love but it is.
Compliant
Compliant
Dr Cloud describes two kinds of individuals without boundaries, a compliant and a controller (which in French we call them a wimp and a control freak). A compliant people have fuzzy and indistinct boundaries; they “melt”into the demands of other people. They can’t stand alone, distinct from people who want something from them. Complaints, for example, pretend to like the same restaurants and movies their friends do “just to get along”. They minimize their differences with others so as not to rock the boat. Compliants are chameleons. After a while it’s hard to distinguish them from environment.
Well, you definitely know someone like that; they are called “yes men”. These people avoid conflicts at all cost and withdraw during confrontations, they love peace and play safe; they could be deeply hurt but because they don’t want to be left, they yield to others’will or abuse and never solve/confront the problem.I have heard few brothers who told me the following reason for leaving their “good women” : “They agree to everything. You can do as you wish, they always forgive you”. Cloud added, Their (complaints) spiritual and emotional “radar” is broken; they have no ability to guard their hearts (as per Proverbs 4:23). So, let me be harsh a bit to say : those boys have a reason to leave, their women’s behaviour is not being good, that’s opening a door for an abusive person, the controller.
Controller
Dr Cloud and Townsend wrote - Controllers are perceived as bullies, manipulative and aggressive. The primary problem of the individuals who can’t hear no-… is that they tend to project responsibility for their lives to others.
Controllers can’t respect others’ limits. They resist taking responsibility for their responsibility for their own lives, so they need to control others
Controllers come in two types:
1. Aggressive controllers-… they run over people’s fences like a tank. They are sometimes verbally abusive, sometimes physically abusive.
2. Manipulative controllers –…try to persuade people out of their boundaries. They talk others into yes.
I am definitely a manipulative controller: it dates back in primary school when I wanted someone to put me into sleep. So, I would ask my little brother, who was in grade 2, about what he learnt in school that day and he would say, "about fish" and I would reply, "I bet that you cannot draw a fish. Can you? then draw it on my back to prove it." Eager to show me, my younger brother would massage my back as I fall asleep. The Lord has been dealing with me on my manipulative techniques that I grew up to use in even with girls and to control others. Jacob was one manipulator in the Bible that I often relate to.
I have seen on Christian television programs and also in some churches that I visited, pastors manipulating people to give. I will dwell on this in the next offering but wimps need to be taught how to say no and control freaks need to know what no is. If we do not do this, we mess up our lives along with others for generations. We can use a wimp like Adam for instant:
I have seen on Christian television programs and also in some churches that I visited, pastors manipulating people to give. I will dwell on this in the next offering but wimps need to be taught how to say no and control freaks need to know what no is. If we do not do this, we mess up our lives along with others for generations. We can use a wimp like Adam for instant:
Genesis 3:6 NLT The woman was convinced. She saw that the tree was beautiful and its fruit looked delicious, and she wanted the wisdom it would give her. So she took some of the fruit and ate it. Then she gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it, too.
This dude just took the fruit without even thinking, come on! Now, look at the mess we in because of him. I think it will be safe for God not to show us who Adam is when we get to Heaven.
Samething with Abram and wife, Sarai:-
This dude just took the fruit without even thinking, come on! Now, look at the mess we in because of him. I think it will be safe for God not to show us who Adam is when we get to Heaven.
Samething with Abram and wife, Sarai:-
Genesis 16:2 NLT So Sarai said to Abram, "The LORD has prevented me from having children. Go and sleep with my servant. Perhaps I can have children through her." And Abram agreed with Sarai's proposal.
Ok, maybe we cant attack Abram for agreeing on this one; many men would have thought it can only be God who can grant them such… but Abram allowed his control freak wife, Sarai, to drive and mess up everyone's lives only to blame Abram for it.
Genesis 16:5 NLT Then Sarai said to Abram, "This is all your fault! I put my servant into your arms, but now that she's pregnant she treats me with contempt. The LORD will show who's wrong—you or me!"
Abram agreed in everything evil she demanded!
Genesis 16:6 NLT Abram replied, "Look, she is your servant, so deal with her as you see fit." Then Sarai treated Hagar so harshly that she finally ran away.
What a wimp! As a result, Ishmael was birthed and so were the Arab nations that gave Israelites a tough life in Bible times and even today. Ahab also allowed Jezebel to have control and we know what happened. God is not pleased with the permissive nature of wimps because it messes up His plan, so don't think that you are good when you allow others to do as they wish while you fold your hands.
I had to centered this offering more on men because on the previous offerings, I focused on women. But on the next offering it will be mutual when we share specifically how to put boundaries such as “saying no!” and also what are or what are not our responsibilities in relationships even with our leaders including bosses, parents, pastors, husbands etc. We will learn that God Himself says no and there are certain responsibilities that He leaves for us and will not do them for us.
Genesis 16:5 NLT Then Sarai said to Abram, "This is all your fault! I put my servant into your arms, but now that she's pregnant she treats me with contempt. The LORD will show who's wrong—you or me!"
Abram agreed in everything evil she demanded!
Genesis 16:6 NLT Abram replied, "Look, she is your servant, so deal with her as you see fit." Then Sarai treated Hagar so harshly that she finally ran away.
What a wimp! As a result, Ishmael was birthed and so were the Arab nations that gave Israelites a tough life in Bible times and even today. Ahab also allowed Jezebel to have control and we know what happened. God is not pleased with the permissive nature of wimps because it messes up His plan, so don't think that you are good when you allow others to do as they wish while you fold your hands.
I had to centered this offering more on men because on the previous offerings, I focused on women. But on the next offering it will be mutual when we share specifically how to put boundaries such as “saying no!” and also what are or what are not our responsibilities in relationships even with our leaders including bosses, parents, pastors, husbands etc. We will learn that God Himself says no and there are certain responsibilities that He leaves for us and will not do them for us.
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