We have discussed the guaranteed consequences of dating bad boys in Part 1 but even with such knowledge, why do good girls continue to love these men who reject and treat them like trash? Some women even result in deciding to behave badly like the bad boys or being bitter even after meeting good boys.What is the actual problem and the solution ?When I lived outside of Christ, I had a “bad” friend who had good looks, intelligence and very big muscles that earned him a lot of girls to sleep with. One of the many girls who were after him, one day decided to call him into her place where she wanted to seduce and sleep with him. She picked him among us, his crew, as we were seated outside the residence where we used to drink. Fourty minutes after they left, the dude's girlfriend arrived and screamed at us, “Where is he?”
“He went to fetch books ... should be coming back now!”, the whole bad boys choir answered. Nobody had taught us that song and we didnt even rehearse it but it was brilliant like the sexy bracketed legs of the chick our friend had left with.
“He went to fetch books ... should be coming back now!”, the whole bad boys choir answered. Nobody had taught us that song and we didnt even rehearse it but it was brilliant like the sexy bracketed legs of the chick our friend had left with.
After two hours, the hunk came to my place being dragged by his girlfriend who shouted at me, “why did you lie to me? Is this how you guys cover up for each other when you mess around?” I answered “no, I told you that he went to fetch books” . Then she replied, “but he says that some chick came to fetch him and tried to seduce him but he refused!”. I was shocked that the man spoke the truth, breaking rule number one. He even told the seducer that he couldn’t do anything with her because he loved his girlfriend. what? Superman had broken the second rule: “Never fall in love!”. As a result, the girlfriend dumped him and later gave him a reason, “I dated you because I thought that you just use girls and never commit but when you started falling in love and were always visiting me being lovey-dovey, I could not stand it!” I could have never believed this if I didnt hear him confess it himself and if i didnt see him crying for days. The toughest guy and player that I knew, was in fact not a superman but a good boy who was just hiding behind badness. I have stories of such men in the future offering and book for the men to show that we are all hurt people hurting people and in need of Jesus. But what was with the girl's behavior?
Dr Scott Barry Kaufman also wrote the following about the traits of the bad boys:
Perhaps at the end of the day the allure comes down to a few positive traits (e.g., confidence, honest display of sexual intentions with no beating around the bush, creativity, non-neediness, a fun and exciting persona) and mating skills (e.g., cross-sex mind reading).
When a bad boy starts being affectionate, he loses that non-neediness like my boy did and stop being attractive to some kind of women who love that quality.
Psychologist, Carole Jahme wrote that the fictional character of James Bond is frequently cited as possessing dark triad traits. Bad boys possess dark triad traits (Narcissism, Psychopathy and Machiavellianism) as discussed in part 1 and as we know James Bond doesn’t commit in a relationship, he would lose his double-o-seveness.
M. Fitzgerald (askmen,com) wrote- Bad Boys exude an arrogant, macho-istic, “gangsta” dominance of untamed masculinity) , which serves as a type of intoxicating attraction to women who like men who live on the edge.
Consultant Psychologist, Petruska Clarkson posits that women have a sexual attraction to bad boys (B. Vaszily, 2006). The thrill of unprecedented, uncertainty is an added attraction to the adventure of relating to a bad boy.
My friend’s girlfriend couldn’t have continued to “love” him when he was not living on the edge, being unpredictable, causing drama, or any of that stuff that excited her sexually. Now we notice that even if bad boys change, there are women who just relate to bad boys’ badness. Such women cannot live in peaceful environements; they would often try to cause drama if they find their man being too good. why is it that some women love drama?
In Part 1, we discussed guaranteed consequences of a bad-boy relationship as abuse, devorce, death, dieseases but the affected woman can also become bitter and some even start living careless lives as a defense mechanism. I have met many women, some of which allowed me to write their stories in The Truth Women need to know book, whom after being used and abused by bad boys, they then decided to play bad like the boys. I even heard the song, "Do it like dude" by Jessi J who sings :
Dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty sucka/You think I can't get hurt like you, you (filthy words insulting the guy)
I can do it like a brother/Do it like a dude/Grab my crotch, wear my hat low like you
Boom Boom, pour me a beer/No pretty drinks, I'm a guy out here/Rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin' money like a pimp...We can do it like the men do it
Some of the lyrics are too explicit but Jessi even calls other boys to play with her sexually. Songs like this are written in bitterness and when a girl is being hurt, she might find this comforting or helping her to revenge. Like Pastor Ray always say "Bitterness is like drinking poison and expect the other person to die". Women in this self-destructive condition must not be judged but loved and be restored by Christ. When Jesus met the Samaritan woman who had been with many men inlcluding someone's husband at the time, He did not condemn her but restored her. Similarly, when Jesus did not condemn a woman caught in adultery in
John 8:11 GNB "No one, sir," she answered. "Well, then," Jesus said, "I do not condemn you either. Go, but do not sin again."]
So, let’s tackle the problem via the Bible:-
In Part 1, we discussed guaranteed consequences of a bad-boy relationship as abuse, devorce, death, dieseases but the affected woman can also become bitter and some even start living careless lives as a defense mechanism. I have met many women, some of which allowed me to write their stories in The Truth Women need to know book, whom after being used and abused by bad boys, they then decided to play bad like the boys. I even heard the song, "Do it like dude" by Jessi J who sings :
Dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty sucka/You think I can't get hurt like you, you (filthy words insulting the guy)
I can do it like a brother/Do it like a dude/Grab my crotch, wear my hat low like you
Boom Boom, pour me a beer/No pretty drinks, I'm a guy out here/Rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin' money like a pimp...We can do it like the men do it
Some of the lyrics are too explicit but Jessi even calls other boys to play with her sexually. Songs like this are written in bitterness and when a girl is being hurt, she might find this comforting or helping her to revenge. Like Pastor Ray always say "Bitterness is like drinking poison and expect the other person to die". Women in this self-destructive condition must not be judged but loved and be restored by Christ. When Jesus met the Samaritan woman who had been with many men inlcluding someone's husband at the time, He did not condemn her but restored her. Similarly, when Jesus did not condemn a woman caught in adultery in
John 8:11 GNB "No one, sir," she answered. "Well, then," Jesus said, "I do not condemn you either. Go, but do not sin again."]
So, let’s tackle the problem via the Bible:-
1. Sins in our genes
The “forbidden fruit” syndrome dates back to the garden. When something has a forbidden and dangerous aura, it tends to translate into thrills of excitement.- Petruska Clarkson
Romans 5:12 NLT When Adam sinned, sin entered the world. Adam's sin brought death, so death spread to everyone, for everyone sinned.
Psalms 51:5 NLT For I was born a sinner--yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.
The fact that a two year old girl steals a cookie and lie about it with the trace on her cheeks; it’s a sign that sin is natural to us. Firstly, we got to admit that we are a fallen race who are born to naturally love evil since the fall of Adam and Eve. The fact that our flesh is thrilled by stolen sex, role playing and other weird funnies, we got to admit that we need help.
Romans 5:17-21 NLT For the sin of this one man, Adam, caused death to rule over many. But even greater is God's wonderful grace and His gift of righteousness, for all who receive it will live in triumph over sin and death through this one Man, Jesus Christ. 18 Yes, Adam's one sin brings condemnation for everyone, but Christ's one act of righteousness brings a right relationship with God and new life for everyone. 19 Because one person disobeyed God, many became sinners. But because one other person obeyed God, many will be made righteous. 20 God's law was given so that all people could see how sinful they were. But as people sinned more and more, God's wonderful grace became more abundant. 21 So just as sin ruled over all people and brought them to death, now God's wonderful grace rules instead, giving us right standing with God and resulting in eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
We can try all available solutions in the world but only Christ is the solution to the sins in our genes. So, the first step for a woman who is suffering from this symptom of being attracted to bad boys is to receive Christ as her Lord and Saviour to receive treatment.
1 John 1:8-10 NLT If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. 9 But if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. 10 If we claim we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that His word has no place in our hearts.
Even I, am not perfect but a recovering patient of Christ, so the above is not to condemn anyone.
John 3:17 NLT God sent His Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through Him.
Other people including religious people may judge you when they see your deeds but Christ doesnt because He understands and in fact, He did not die for perfect people but for those like you.
Matthew 9:12 NLT When Jesus heard this, He said, "Healthy people don't need a doctor--sick people do."
Let Jesus be your doctor ; allow Him to love and heal you.
Luke 4:18 NLT "The Spirit of the LORD is upon Me, for He has anointed Me to bring Good News to the poor. He has sent Me to proclaim that captives will be released, that the blind will see, that the oppressed will be set free,
Jesus is here to heal you and set you free from the wrong done to you and make you whole again. So, if you havent received Christ as your Lord and savior, it is very easy, you just pray : "Dear Lord Jesus, forgive me for all my sins. I now accept you as my Lord and Savior. I am not able to do right on my own, so please fill me with the Holy Spirit, restore and help me in my walk when I fall in Jesus's name. Amen" That's it! You are saved and you need to get a non-judgemental Bible-based church that would love, accept and help you to in your healing process.
On the next offering, we will be tackling other relating problems and solutions.
1 John 1:8-10 NLT If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. 9 But if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. 10 If we claim we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that His word has no place in our hearts.
Even I, am not perfect but a recovering patient of Christ, so the above is not to condemn anyone.
John 3:17 NLT God sent His Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through Him.
Other people including religious people may judge you when they see your deeds but Christ doesnt because He understands and in fact, He did not die for perfect people but for those like you.
Matthew 9:12 NLT When Jesus heard this, He said, "Healthy people don't need a doctor--sick people do."
Let Jesus be your doctor ; allow Him to love and heal you.
Luke 4:18 NLT "The Spirit of the LORD is upon Me, for He has anointed Me to bring Good News to the poor. He has sent Me to proclaim that captives will be released, that the blind will see, that the oppressed will be set free,
Jesus is here to heal you and set you free from the wrong done to you and make you whole again. So, if you havent received Christ as your Lord and savior, it is very easy, you just pray : "Dear Lord Jesus, forgive me for all my sins. I now accept you as my Lord and Savior. I am not able to do right on my own, so please fill me with the Holy Spirit, restore and help me in my walk when I fall in Jesus's name. Amen" That's it! You are saved and you need to get a non-judgemental Bible-based church that would love, accept and help you to in your healing process.
On the next offering, we will be tackling other relating problems and solutions.
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