A man who genuinely loves you

Can a man love  and also be "In love" or it's just in fairy tales?TV, or magazines, other media, love expects called (Dr. So and so) , Hollywood chick flicks, preachers and other expects have tips on how to get a man to love you or to keep his love but what does the human operational manual by the Creator, the Bible, the truth and the life say about men. God is so powerful that no man created is the same as any other, so how can people’s opinions apply to your case? Without even consulting us, women even collect junk about men like “men think of sex every whatever seconds”, is everything true? Do you ever imagine what the world would be like if it were true? In this offering I share the behaviour of men from what I know practically from men of all ages and races that I encountered. Also, out of the same scripture where we stipulated that women must not do anything to attain love, we shall specify the attributes of a man who is really in love with a woman contrary to some of the junk that the world feed us.

But first, let me reinforce the point from the last offering that you cannot make/turn somebody who doesn’t love you to love you. Impossible! All of us are uniquely different and we love different things in women. Some men love beautiful faces, some love round curves and extra cases, some fat, intelligence, light-skin, shy, good morals, neat, hardworking, holy e.t.c. I have even heard some of the weirdest like my friends who once passionately described how he is attracted to his woman’s neck. I watched an old couple that was always drunk together and thought, I wanna be that happily in love to enjoy my wife that anything else!

I attended a brotherhood meeting where we were discussing temptations in relation to women. One disturbed brother stood up objectively to prevent us from speaking under a generalised perception that all of us (men) are attracted to physical beauty. This brother further confessed that he is attracted to intelligence; and I know few people like that. So sisters, please save yourself from the dangerous efforts to change yourself to fit into some standards (Rom.12:2) of what men like. In fact you don’t even know if some of the things you don’t like about yourself and are trying to change, are the exact things that your right man is designed to like. I know I am a guy but growing up, I was made to believe that being dark-skinned is ugly and I was called names like Blacky, Munyamani and Zulu by people at home , streets and schools. But for some reason each and every beautiful girl that ever loved me confessed that they are attracted to my darkness (it doesn’t sound right, does it?). So quit trying to be like somebody that TV is modelling as attractive. Men are not about sex and lusts. In fact be careful of trying to keep a man by feeding his lusts because when a man had fed his lust on you, he would turn to hate you afterwards.

2 Samuel 13:14-15 NLT But Amnon wouldn't listen to her, and since he was stronger than she was, he raped her. (15) Then suddenly Amnon's love turned to hate, and he hated her even more than he had loved her. "Get out of here!" he snarled at her.

Back in the world, I have heard many boys say some of the degradable things about a girl that they just had a one-night-stand with and how they couldn’t stand the girl to leave. But Hollywood promise you that you will get love like that. Do you think there is anyone who remembers or thinks of calling a prostitute after feeding his lust unless he wants to feed it again?

Let’s look at our context, the attributes of a man who loves you

1. Working hard for love

Genesis 29:18 NLT Since Jacob was in love with Rachel, he told her father, "I'll work for you for seven years if you'll give me Rachel, your younger daughter, as my wife."

A man must be willing to work hard or to pay for a woman he loves. In african culture, we call it Mahadzi/lobola (though it has now lost its meaning to simply, trading ).

Some ladies can be so desperate for love that the first man who takes them out to KFC is the one. Come on!

I remember falling in love with this other girl and I heard that she was going to Cape Town. Fearing that I may never get to see her again, I stopped all my programmes including ministry work to think about ways to go to the Cape. As cheap as I am, I even emptied my piggy money-box to count all my 5 cents savings to add up for a trip. When a man is in love, he is willing to work hard for it!

2. Patience

Genesis 29:20 NLT So Jacob worked seven years to pay for Rachel. But his love for her was so strong that it seemed to him but a few days.

A man who is not patient with you is self-seeking. This Hollywood nonsense of one day on the date, come back caressing like dogs and having sex to wake up in love is so absurd and unrealistic. And they make it so normal that the “lovers” live ever after, wow! Really? There is a reason why God placed principles for His designs, you touch fire you burn. So, Easy come easy go! 1 Corinthians 13:4 NLT Love is patient …. Finish and klaar, next point!

3. Persistence

Genesis 29:28 NLT So Jacob agreed to work seven more years. A week after Jacob had married Leah, Laban gave him Rachel, too.

Nothing can stop a man from loving his woman. Not family, friends, laws or even religion. The harder it gets, the harder he pushes to get his woman.

4. Crazy about her

Genesis 29:11 NLT Then Jacob kissed Rachel, and he wept aloud.

So, you thought that men don’t get emotionally crazy for love. Think again! We are talking about love here baby! We get to talk about it all day like you guys  but act cool when we see ya’ll.

Can you picture the behaviour of this man when he saw a woman for the first time in the following translation:-

Genesis 2:23 NLT "At last!" the man exclaimed. "This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called 'woman,' because she was taken from 'man.'"

I’m not gonna be all spiritual about it, I would never marry a woman that I am not attracted to, no matter how spiritual/godly they are. The girl who blows my mind is the one I will chase and die trying. By "attractive", I’m not talking about beauty although sometimes beauty is the main attraction in a woman – In high school I fell for a girl that my friends thought wasn’t more attractive than the beautiful girls that loved me (some of which were asking me out) . My friends didn’t understand me and hated me for it but I loved her and her alone. There was just something about her that disabled me when I saw her. I remember waiting after school just to see her school transport pass and when I see her, I got high. I wrote letters and poems e.t.c.

One woman for one man

Although men are weak in sexual lust, there is only one woman that each man can love at once by design. Two days ago I received a call from one guy that was  known as a “player” back in the world. We talked of old stories and I remembered how he cried over this one girl for a week without food. In fact, I have seen so many of these, so called players, meeting the one and some crying and begging her when she wants to leave him. funny enough, in the cases, she is never as beautiful as the girls the boys played with. Men who don’t love one woman are just patients, who usually were broken hearted by some girl before and now just hiding behind playing. Many boys come to me for help, so I know what I am talking about! I met so many men like me, who were hurt by one girl and decided to play to cover up but things get worse. God has created one man to love only one woman and Jesus confirmed this design in Matthews 19: 3-9 and Paul in I Tim. 3:12 and in  

Ephesians 5:31-33 ESV "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." (32) This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. (33) However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

If the husband loves his wife as himself, would he want her to sleep around with many other men? So, therefore a man who loves himself would not sleep around if he really loves his woman.

So, I don’t want to hear any of that I am looking for a man who “is after God’s own heart” stuff. What’s that got to do with love and relationships? How will that maintain love and marriage? We gotta be smart and realistic now my sisters. God created us the way we are, on purpose, so don’t spiritualise everything. So, you either test a man that approach you for the above qualities or you can do whatever you want. I poured out what God had laid in my heart! (Hey, maybe you should marry me coz I’m the man with God's word in his heart, how about that? LOL!)

Wouldn't  it be nice to have a man like Jacob to love you? So, be patient. God is faithful!