After the previous sister’s offering, “a man who genuinely loves you”, one sister asked me “…Don’t you have a word to encourage those who were selling themselves cheap so that they don’t condemn themselves”. I am blessed to present this offering that the Lord gave me unexpectedly since last Sunday for men and women who have suffered rejection in relationships (romantic, family, peers, market, school, church, work e.t.c.) and as a result, developed a destructive lifestyle/behaviour that hinders their moving on in life. Religion and our cultures sometimes force us to swallow our struggles and hide our wounds to present a successful “woman or man of God” and act like we got everything in control. They even presented some perfect good-looking problem-free Jesus who always had a smile on a glowing face in movies for us to follow but the Jesus I relate to and follow is the one who suffered rejection because there was nothing physically attractive about him.
Isaiah 53:2-3 NLT My Servant grew up in the LORD's presence like a tender green shoot, like a root in dry ground. There was nothing beautiful or majestic about His appearance, nothing to attract us to Him. (3) He was despised and rejected--a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on Him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care.
It was easy for me to write about the beautiful attractive Rachel who get men chasing after her and to judge Leah for selling herself so that she too can be loved without investigating why she did it. i then found this verse:-
Genesis 29:17 AMP Leah's eyes were weak and dull looking, but Rachel was beautiful and attractive.
Something tells me that Leah did not start suffering rejection through Jacob. In my neighbourhood, Leah’s eyes are a call for teasing, bulling, ridiculing and being ignored which leads to social rejection. I don’t think the writer of Genesis was the first one to compare Leah and Rachel like that, such things occur within the families where even parents have favourites.
In psychology, it is said that the need for love (intimacy, being desired) and belongingness is a fundamental human motivation. In other words, people are not meant to survive without love. That's why our self esteem is affected even on facebook when nobody comment on our walls and that's why we invite thousands of friends who are not necessarily friends but give us sense of worth by affirming us. Why do you think some women would settle for an in abusive or married man? I think it's because that man is the only one portraying love.
Now, it is easy for us to judge women like Leah for selling themselves cheap without consulting or knowing the root problem that caused their self-loathing or a whole in their souls which need to be filled with love before a person can proceed in life. Now, if the church gives laws to such women like Leah without satisfying that need for love first, they would continue committing adultery. This is why Love is the only commandment that Jesus gave us. Instead of condemning, we should love.
When I was young, I suffered ridicule because I had big curvaceous hips. Not only did they side-lined me at the soccer grounds, but boys called me “woman” which had an impact on my manhood and self-worth. I grew up at my grandparents’ overpopulated house and I felt very rejected especially when everyone in the house called me “worthless”. My self-esteem was destroyed and I watched other boys like me getting involved in stealing, smoking, quit school e.t.c. to gain self-worth. I am very grateful for the grace of God through the love I received from all the girls around that rebuilt my self-worth. By girls loving me, the boys feared/respected me and that gave me some sense of superiority and affirmed my manhood. But not everybody would receive grace like me, so some of them we would catch them in later stages of life being gays or druggies or prostitutes e.t.c we must not judge but love them like I was loved when I didn’t believe in myself. I remember observing some school sport superstar asking for contact numbers of the most beautiful girl in town from her sister but the girl refused. I then asked her why wouldn’t her sister love the guy whom every girl dies for. Since I knew many other powerful (rich, famous, athletic) guys who were interested in her, I started counting them asking “what about so and so, does she like him?” and the girl would say “no!” to all of them. At last she got tired and asked, “ what about you?”. Confused, I asked “what do I have to do with anything”. Then she asked, “why don’t you count yourself? ”, I replied “me?”. “yes you…count yourself!”. I then hesitatingly asked “ ok. what about ….me??” and she declared “yes, you. You are the only one she loves”.
If you have been rejected, and feel worthless, you are always expecting to be counted out and so you even learn to count yourself out in advance but God insist saying "count yourself, you are the one I chose to love and bless". There are people who are good looking, likable and deserve it but The Lord saythat it is you that he wants.
1 Samuel 9:1-2 NLT There was a wealthy, influential man named Kish from the tribe of Benjamin. He was the son of Abiel, son of Zeror, son of Becorath, son of Aphiah, of the tribe of Benjamin. (2) His son Saul was the most handsome man in Israel--head and shoulders taller than anyone else in the land.
1 Samuel 16:1 NLT Now the LORD said to Samuel, "You have mourned long enough for Saul. I have rejected him as king of Israel, so fill your flask with olive oil and go to Bethlehem. Find a man named Jesse who lives there, for I have selected one of his sons to be My king."
1 Samuel 16:6-7 NLT When they arrived, Samuel took one look at Eliab and thought, "Surely this is the LORD's anointed!" (7) But the LORD said to Samuel, "Don't judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The LORD doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."
People would choose people that stand out like Saul with good looks, influential and wealthy background but the Lord rejects them for the position He has for you. This is not just some inspiration to get you excited, this is the truth, the Word of God. God is more powerful that humans and you will watch this happen as He strips them of power to place you there. I believe that the reason why God would choose the foolish things like you, is because when everyone sees you blessed, they would know behind doubt that it can only be God. When people are rich and influential, credit may be accredited to them but the Lord is a jealous God who would share His glory with no man. So, you the rejected stand a better chance to be highly blessed of God. This is why God is calling you out of that unrequited love relationship which mistreat and ignores you into a relationship with Him, to love you and prepare you for a great blessing. Unlike people, God doesn’t condemn you for being involved in such relationships because He understands:-
John 4:17-18 NLT "I don't have a husband," the woman replied. Jesus said, "You're right! You don't have a husband-- (18) for you have had five husbands, and you aren't even married to the man you're living with now. You certainly spoke the truth!"
John 8:3 NLT As He was speaking, the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd.
John 8:10-11 NLT Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, "Where are your accusers? Didn't even one of them condemn you?" (11) "No, Lord," she said. And Jesus said, "Neither do I. Go and sin no more."
When Adam and Eve sinned and were hiding naked, our good God was disappointed but
Genesis 3:21 NLT And the LORD God made clothing from animal skins for Adam and his wife.
Pastor Ray MacCauley often said “Don’t run from God, run to God!”. Religious people may have condemned you but they are not God and if you choose to come to Him, He would patiently cleanse your wounds and give you a sense of belongingness. God knows that we leave in a fallen world, so instead of Him expecting us to be able to live "holy lives" when we get born again, He is patient with us when we stumble because He would be dealing with the root problem and it's a process. I was fortunate to be placed in Rhema by God because the church is structured on loving people and giving us a sense of belongingness. I do not have to try to be accepted else where, I can be myself around people who accept me for me.
You do not need to cling on a relationship that is destroying you when God can help you. Do not be afraid of being lonely or depressed because there are people in the body of Christ that God placed to walk with you into your blessing. After God has cleansed you and filled your need for love, you would be content and ready for a blessing beyond human understanding.
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